End of relationship

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. I can’t believe that I am going to move out tonight. I had a fight with him yesterday night. I thought it was just a little matter; however, it came out to be really serious.

My heart is broken. I can’t believe that this man let me stay at the street alone at the middle of the night.

I don’t know what my feeling is now. It is too complicated to tell. I want to cry, really loud. I feel like there is a stone inside my body. I want to get rid of it.

Why do I fall in love with this guy? At many points, I have proven that he doesn’t care about me. Maybe he had never loved me.

I think I am too naïve. 25 years old, I am still too naïve.

When he went back to Hong Kong, I was so sad. I missed him like crazy.That moment I felt like he is my world, my everything. I though he would have same feeling like I have. So I wrote a letter to him:
“Dear Honey
I can not live without you.
When I close my eyes, I can not stop missing you.
What happen to me?
I always thought that I am the one who can handle love easily
The reality just shows me how important you are in my life.
When we are apart
I do not have my heart
I hate night time,
I hate turning the light off when I go to sleep
I hate waking up in the middle of light
I hate everything that makes me feel lonely and empty
You are the only person makes me happiness…Make me laugh from my heart and make me cry from my heart.
I am empty without you to hold
Through these words my love is showed
This is like how many times already
This is how many times you complain I were just being careless about what you doing
This is how many times I have to explain you that you were being careless as well
This is how many times I promise to myself this fighting is the last fighting
This is how many times I got disappointed to myself that I broke my promise again
Honey
Please forgive me
Forgive my careless, my hysterical, my naïve, and much more…
At this moment, I hope you are by my side
Hug me, hold me and kiss me…”

But his reaction is like “ok? I don't really miss you, I would stay at Hong Kong forever if I could stay.”　But I still believed that it was a joke.

The reality just shows me how naïve I am. But I refuse to face the truth because truth is too cruel: For almost three years in a same room, same bed, he still doesn’t know what I like and what I don’t like. I got really sick few days ago, he still blamed to me that I didn’t clean the room after party was over.

He never surprises me. When he bought a flower for me, I thought he got it from someone else or from the garbage. When he bought me a necklace, I was happy only for two minutes because I found out that he asked his friend to buy it for me for cheaper price. Is it my fault or his fault?

He thinks that I think I am always right, but I think that he thinks he is always right. We never compromise. Is it my fault or his fault?

I think it is nobody’s fault. We are just don’t fit each other.

This is last time I complain about him. I can not stand for this anymore. I am too tired. I think he is tired too. Why bother?