End of relationship

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. I can’t believe that I am going to move out tonight. I had a fight with him yesterday night. I thought it was just a little matter; however, it came out to be really serious.

My heart is broken. I can’t believe that this man let me stay at the street alone at the middle of the night.

I don’t know what my feeling is now. It is too complicated to tell. I want to cry, really loud. I feel like there is a stone inside my body. I want to get rid of it.

Why do I fall in love with this guy? At many points, I have proven that he doesn’t care about me. Maybe he had never loved me.

I think I am too naïve. 25 years old, I am still too naïve.

When he went back to Hong Kong, I was so sad. I missed him like crazy.That moment I felt like he is my world, my everything. I though he would have same feeling like I have. So I wrote a letter to him:
“Dear Honey
I can not live without you.
When I close my eyes, I can not stop missing you.
What happen to me?
I always thought that I am the one who can handle love easily
The reality just shows me how important you are in my life.
When we are apart
I do not have my heart
I hate night time,
I hate turning the light off when I go to sleep
I hate waking up in the middle of light
I hate everything that makes me feel lonely and empty
You are the only person makes me happiness…Make me laugh from my heart and make me cry from my heart.
I am empty without you to hold
Through these words my love is showed
This is like how many times already
This is how many times you complain I were just being careless about what you doing
This is how many times I have to explain you that you were being careless as well
This is how many times I promise to myself this fighting is the last fighting
This is how many times I got disappointed to myself that I broke my promise again
Honey
Please forgive me
Forgive my careless, my hysterical, my naïve, and much more…
At this moment, I hope you are by my side
Hug me, hold me and kiss me…”

But his reaction is like “ok? I don't really miss you, I would stay at Hong Kong forever if I could stay.”　But I still believed that it was a joke.

The reality just shows me how naïve I am. But I refuse to face the truth because truth is too cruel: For almost three years in a same room, same bed, he still doesn’t know what I like and what I don’t like. I got really sick few days ago, he still blamed to me that I didn’t clean the room after party was over.

He never surprises me. When he bought a flower for me, I thought he got it from someone else or from the garbage. When he bought me a necklace, I was happy only for two minutes because I found out that he asked his friend to buy it for me for cheaper price. Is it my fault or his fault?

He thinks that I think I am always right, but I think that he thinks he is always right. We never compromise. Is it my fault or his fault?

I think it is nobody’s fault. We are just don’t fit each other.

This is last time I complain about him. I can not stand for this anymore. I am too tired. I think he is tired too. Why bother?

How to move on?

What is new in these days?
Nothing actually except lying on my bed watching some stupid movies.

We finally decided to go to “All White Yacht” club this Friday
But I am not that excited-I don’t know why.

I need to find a white dress to go to the party
But I couldn’t find any.
The good thing is that CC and Sophie said they are going to give me one.

No more motive and passion
What happen to my life?

I used to be a most active girl in my circle
But I couldn’t find her anymore

Please come back
My old life, my passion and my happiness.

I think it is because too much stress recently...

My younger sister just got a baby girl last Thurday
I am so happy about it
but my mom worry about me at the same time because I still dont get married
Come on, I am not ready.

My daddy pass the citizenship exam at the same day
My whole family was so exited about it
I am proud of my dad because his English is very limited
But look at me..
I still haven't pass the road test yet

I think it is time to move on.
But how?

Work,School,Family,Friendship and Relationship

At Thursday (6/24), I went to Miranda’s house to have sleep-over because I couldn’t stand for the heat in my room. But we went to CC’s house instead after we got to Miranda’s house. At Friday (6/25),I received a call from Abacus bank. The HR dept. asked me to work from that coming Monday. I was really surprise but worried and nervous as well. I couldn’t explain why, it made me down for a while.

At the afternoon, my boyfriend and I went to his aunt’s house because we decided to go to Atlantic City Casino. I don’t like gambling but I still went. When we got there, we were really surprise because we got a president suite to stay with and ate whatever we wanted to. Everything was luxury which I only seen them on TV.

The next day (Saturday), we went to beach and had some rides. The weather was too hot but we were all very relaxed. At the night time, we picked up wine and liquid and had a big dinner. The most wonderful thing was that we don’t need to pay any coz somebody got very good credit at casino.

Sunday, I went back to Long Island, when I almost got to my house, I became too moved coz I felt like I haven’t seen my family for a loooooooong time. I almost cried when I thought about the moment I see my mom. The feeling just like the moment I saw my mom when I first came to the America. I went home first; I talked with my sisters (Qing and Amy) and played with my little brother. I felt satisfied at that moment coz everything seems like pretty stable. Amy is still a talkative girl except she grows a lot, and my little brother was still boiled. I went to our store after that. I thought my parents were going to be excited however they were too busy. I didn’t even have chance to talk with them. I Worked for an hour then went back to Flushing.

Monday, June 28, 2010, it was the first day of working. I went to Canal Branch to have a basic training and did the finger print. Then I went to Nassau Branch to really start working. My department supervisor is really nice. I can tell that he is very patient. He explained to me every single thing very careful. I was too nervous, but he made me relax. My department is called OAD. I still wasn’t sure what that dept. supposes to do when my supervisor trained me at the first day. Right now (two weeks), I am pretty sure what is going on. I love that job I don’t know why. I think it is maybe I still feel challenge and my co-workers are very helpful.

Today I went to school to confirm about my financial aid status coz I checked online yesterday, it shows that my tuition for my last semester is about 6 grams. Jesus, that scared me because I have no way to pay them all. Throughout the checking, I know that it is going to be lot more cheaper to be a part time student. Therefore I dropped one course which I don’t need. Even though I waited for the line for like an hour, but I was happy that I found out my tuition is going to be cheaper and I noticed that I registered a wrong course. Thanks God it is still not too late.

Today I made a little mistake at work. Hope it is not going to affect my credit.

Besides school, work and family, my friendship is fine as well. I hung out with TSO last Saturday at Mad at Chicken. That is a Korean restaurant at Northern Blvd, the food and the atmosphere is pretty good and the price is not bad. I met lots friend over thare at that day. ( 见鬼了)

Only thing I think I am not satisfied is the relationship with my boyfriend. I don’t know why we must argue at least once a week. Every time I fight with him, I want to break up with him (no, actually I don’t want to, I think I just want him to pay more attention on me and respect and love me more). Yesterday, he talked with me very patiently when I looked down. He tried to make me happy. I think we are fine but need more time to accept each other’s weakness.

Interview

I had a phone interview with Abacus Federal Saving Bank about two weeks ago. When the HRD employer asked me about my status in the America, I told them that I only have green card and I would like to work full time. She told me that she would call me back to schedule an interview for me. I thought I am not qualified because I only have green card. But she called me back yesterday and wanted me to have interview this morning.

I went to the bank this morning pretty early. First of all, a lady asked me to fill out a form as the most company does, and then she asked me to type a letter and do the Excel as soon as possible. When I opened the Excel software, I got a shock because it is 2003 version. I only know the 2007 version. I told them about it, then a lady gave me a hind to find those icons, I have done it pretty well.

I waited for the lady to interview me like an hour. She asked me lot questions about my job and my life. She looks really nice and very professional. I hope one day I can be a lady like her. She also asked me about this bank. I think I did really terrible because I didn’t prepare for it. I didn’t know anything about this bank except I know this bank provides banking service to immigrant and local resident mostly.

Actually I did research about this bank yesterday. But I couldn’t remember the creator’s name and when it was found. Only thing I remember was that a lady committed a fraud many years ago which had ruin the bank’s reputation. Lot of clients waited for a long line to take back their saving. However, the creator was really smart and handled this problem pretty well. I wanted to talk about more about this bank to the lady who interviews me. However, I was too shy to talk more. And I was not sure if I said too much to the position.

Anyway, the interview was over. They are going to contact me in a week if they are going to hire me. I pray to God. Please let me in. when I read the article about Abacus’s creator, I was moved because his goal is to provide service to our community and immigrant. It will be so cool if I can do this kind of job. I will be proud of myself by helping our “family” to get their loan and helping them to have better life.

I had learn a lot about interview skill. The very important one is that I have to be prepared before interviewing.

My Weird Feeling

what I have done in these days?

Friday was CC's birthday, we went to a Thai restaurant called BKNY at flushing, Bayside. I will rate this restaurant for 5 stars because the atmosphere, service and dishes are awesome and the price was not too bad. (average 20 bucks/person). My boyfriend works for an Asian restaurant, he refused to come with us originally because he was kind of tired of Thai food. But when he tasted it, he couldn't believe that it was really delicious. Especially "Green Curry with seafood" and "seafood pad Thai".

After Dinner, we was trying to go to a bar so that we can drink. However we were all too full to absorb. therefore we decided to go to my apt. to have a house party. my room was pretty small. We felt that it was too boring to drink only, so that CC said she wanted to put make up on my boyfriend. LOL. It was really funny. I was cracking out by his make up. I think CC is considered a professional make up girl. She really makes my boyfriend like a girl with her fake long curly hair.

We took lot of funny pictures on him, and he was pretty enjoy with his new make up. "Narcissist"

I had a interview with NY Life Insurance Company today. I have learn a lot, but I am not sure if it is the one that I am looking for. I need to earn some income for this Summer and for next semester. I am not sure if I can be focus. The Abacus Bank HR dpt. had phone interviewed me this morning as well. I thought I found a job eventually, however, he only needs part time employee. Sigh! I really hope they told me why I couldn't get hired because I can learn from fault that made. But they alway want me to wait. How long should I wait for?

I am going to have a training next week hopefully. I need to pass a state exam to be a Insurance agent. Gosh, please give me more passion to do it. I think I need to learn more about this field first in order to know if I can do it.

Be Wise

Life is boring

Done nothing except working and eating

Neither cold nor hot today

An admirer with offer of hospitality

He wants to go out with me

I think I told him I have a boyfriend

I feel like betrayal of my boyfriend if I date with him

Thinking about how to excuse myself from him

But I cannot think of any

It is one of my shortcomings

It is time to learn

…

Discussing financial event with a friend

He always oppose me

He thinks China is going to surpass the America

I think he is deceived by media

There is always reason behind it

But he couldn’t see it

He prefers to believe what he has expected

It is going to be very dangerous

Just too optimistic

…

Overall, there are no other options for post-crisis era in China

China is still growing rapidly

And America is still finding a way to stop his growing

New energy is his another way

Our era is gonna have another big change

Wind energy, Electric energy and Nuclear energy

…

“Wise man have their mouths in their hearts, fools have their hearts in their mouths”

Is There a Global Warming or not?

I attended a QQ group party the day before yesterday. The weather was great. I wear a mini skirt and a tank. I think I am hot enough.HAHA!The creator asked me to plan a fun party for him, but he told me at the day of the party. I didn’t have time to get it done. Therefore, I just told him a few games that everyone can easy participate. However, the people who came to join the party were all too shy and didn’t wanna participate except date with the girls and sing. Overall the party was pretty fun.

My boyfriend and me and a girl went to SOHO in the next day. In the morning, I felt a little cooler than last day, at the night time, it was so cold. Therefore, we went to shop for spring clothes. My boyfriend bought lots of clothes, and tried them on one by one when he got home. Also he rearranged the closet and his personal staffs. He was so funny last night, because when he tried a cloth on, he pretended he was like a superstar, and using extravagant act to express it. I don’t know how to explain his action. It was so funny and cute.

Today is raining, the weather sharp down inexpectly. I bethink of a show called “财经郎眼“， it is a great Chinese economic show about current events. I remember they talked about “Alarming Fraud of changing in weather”. Basically it discusses about there is no global warming. The event proceeded from the University of East Anglia’s computer server is invaded by hacker, the conversation of meteorologists’ email are exposed. People thunderstruck realized that the global warming is just an elaborate swindle. I dubitative when I heard of it because global warming seems like a cogent fact in our life. Many scientists have been proved that there is a global warming by lots of evident, such as those close to extinction of polar bear. However through my keenly aware of NY weather, I start to believe what the show discusses about. Maybe there is no global warming. I don’t know if it is a good thing because we know we will use lot more energy for cold weather than hot weather.

It is June right now, hope the cold weather only last for few days. This will make sense for us.