Thursday, May 27, 2010

how to socialize?

How to socialize is always very important in our life. I never notice that I am really bad at it until I saw my ex co-work at the bus station today. When I saw him, I just pretended I didn’t see him, and then he came to say hi to me, I hi back. After that, he told me about his supervisor’s retirement party today at the library. I kept saying “ok, really? oh, cool, this and that..” then finally he said “sorry, I have to make a phone call, it is very important call.” I could tell from his eyes that he was trying to stop conversation with me. Actually I was very happy at that moment when he said he has to make a call because I don’t know what to talk about anyway. But I also realized that this episode demonstrates that it is very difficult for me to go out and make friend with American people.

There was another episode which shows that I don’t know how to socialize with American people especially those people is lot older than me. After final, my accounting classmates decided to have fun with our taxation professor, he is very outgoing and humor. Then we went to a bar. This was first time of my life to go to bar with my professor. It seems very odd for me because I always keep those Chinese traditions---teacher is always superior. When my professor came to me, he asked me what kind of drink I would like; I told him that I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t go to bar. I don’t know why I said that. haha And then I didn’t know what common topic we have, I was blank at that moment. Then he went to my other classmates. I saw them were very happy and have lot things to talk about. They were talking about wine and girls and life. Why can’t I do that? i think it is because I don’t know how to find a common point which give us a chance to open up ourselves. If I succeed in finding similar interests, it would be easier for me to proceed further with him. And plus, I don’t know how to build a rapport with him as well. I should not make him feel superior, but I failed.

I think I have to build up my communication skill with people who are not in my circle. No one will success without good communication skill. Nothing in the world is difficult if you set your mind to it. Life is all about how to be wiser by falling.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Summer Plans


Hey, everyone. Long time no blog.

Summer is coming finally. Right now is 90 degree outside, and it is first time of this year I feel summer is coming. For some reasons, I hate winter, and I hate cold weather, but I think God also make a joke of me, because I have allergy to the sun which means I cant go to beach, and I cant insolate under the sun as well. It is called PLME, nick name “Vampire Disease”. I don’t think there is any treatment for it, because it gets recovered whenever it wanna get. What can I do with it?

There is one thing that I am very happy with for this summer unless, which is everyone says that I got slim down. Xixixi…I can have my very sexy dress on… oh yeah!

I have lots plans before summer break: get my driver license, get a job with higher wage, or maybe start my own business, and study Cantonese and English and more… but none of these seem done for now. I haven’t even get started. I always tell myself, don’t be lazy anymore, and always try something new. But I cant resist temptation. I have to change. There are too many pressure deep inside my mind which I cant escape anyway. All things are difficult before they are easy. So I think the first thing to do is to start write blog at lease once a day so that I can improve my English more. And the next thing it that to confirm my goal(since the bad economic is still going on, it is very hard to find a job which I will satisfied, so I decide to operate a own business). “Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.” (Alexander Dumas, Davy de La Pailleterie, French Writer)  
Then I will go look at those properties which my friend introduces me. I know it is very hard because I have no experience. Therefore I decide to make a partner with one of my best friend. If two people are of the same mind, their sharpness can cut through metal.We don’t wanna waste our time anymore. We have to get it done during this Summer. No matter it works well or not, at lease we gain more experiences. “man proposes, God disposes.”

Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Buddhist Church

Today I just asked my friend a very “philosophical” question about the distinctions between Christian and Buddhism. Then she asked me if I ever heard of there is a such site called “Buddhist Church”. That was very surprised me actually because I don’t think Buddhism and Christianity can be harmony in American society especially in New York. This kind of church leads me a lot of thoughts floating in my head.

Backing to my childhood memories, there was always a big conflict between Christianity and Buddhism. The most impressive thing was that people who believe in God didn’t like those people who believe in Buddha. All of the old generation people taught me Christian is like a monster who would bring my life down. I trust them with my soul even though they didn’t tell me why. When I got older, I started changing my mind somehow because I was curious. Because of my curiosity I went to church with my schoolmates for the Christmas party without my parents’ permission one day. That day was definitely impressing me: I saw Santa Clause giving his present to everyone (we all love receiving gift), I saw many people dancing on the stage, and also lots little kids were singing on the side of the stage. They all seemed so happy and satisfy including me. I was thinking at that time: “how could these people be evil?” However, I didn’t get any chances to know more about Christian in China until I met two devotional Christian old couple who help my family a lot in American. (long story, I don't want to talk about it here.)

Through these two couples’ recommendation, I attended St. Johns University, obviously, it is a catholic school. There is a very interesting sight fell into my eyes---there is a huge beautiful church sitting by the dorms, and when you walked few more minutes, you can also see a classical Chinese temple which was for Asian study offices and now is a Asian library with all Chinese famous masterpieces and Buddhist scriptures. Now I am more like to talk about the likeness between Roman Catholic and Buddhism, I have my humble opinion.

I read a book called “the Essential Moral Handbook: a guild to catholic living”, which is my theology course requirement. There is a paragraph talks about that the moral theology is about finding the way home to our true selves as believers in the God revealed to us in Jesus Christ. “Being home” is marked by right relationship with God, with others, with ourselves, and with Creation. When I read these sentences, I found these are parallel to Buddhist goal “明心见性“which means “find one’s true self.” The main purpose of Buddhism is that they try to tell people that everything in our life is not real or another words “our universe is empty”, people are fool to pursue everything which is not real. There is a famous poem was written by “六祖慧能大师”says that “There is no Buddhist tree at all, And there is bright mirror nor. Now there is nothing at all, How could be dust any more? (菩提本无树,明镜亦非台,本来无一物,何处惹尘埃). This poem is trying to teach us a word called “emptiness”. No desire no suffer is all Buddhism trying to teach us. As a normal human being, I don’t think anyone can do it, otherwise, they would be the same as Buddha because everyone has desire. But for Christian, it is all about receiving and giving love which is everyone’s life about. That’s why Christianity doesn’t agree with Buddhism.

There is another idea which I think is pretty the same---Christian’s original sin(原罪) and Buddhist scoundrelism(劣根性). When Adam and Eva chose to eat the fruit that God told them not to eat, they had original sin even though they had no concept of good and evil. The original sin is disobedience. This has negative effected our human nature. This original sin is not committed by us, rather it is passed on to us. It is a state which we inherit rather than an act that we do. And for Buddhism’s Scoundrelism, is not like from dictionary: the practice or conduct of a scoundrel, baseness; rascality. When Chinese talks about this word, it is more like human being which originally adopt some bad habit or unhealthy desire such as selfish and lying. Therefore, these two ideas are parallel.

I knew many of people who believe in Buddhism are suspicions about Christian. They always say to me that those Christian are so superficial, the Holy Bible which they treat as a treasure is like a children’s fairy-tale especially Genesis. But I will say that people who think Bible is like a fairy-tale are superficial. I don’t think people can be educated if they just read words by words. They have to think about the meaning behind the words. (even in Buddhism, there are lots of mythes, but many people believe them, that's why lot of Chinese are superstitious). Therefore, no matter it is fairy-tales or myth, it has to come from something which could effect people. A famous Chinese professor named Yu Dan ever said that:” knowledge is very important, but experience is more important than knowledge. However, one’s savvy is lot more important than experience.”

No matter Christian or Buddhism, they are all trying to make people's life better. Therefore, my summation is that no matter what religion you believe right now, just don’t refuse to accept the “gift” that “GOD” or “Buddha” give to us as human being. It is good to hear that there is such community as Buddhist Church. I will definitely go visit it someday.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Changer De Vie



If your mindset changes, your attitude is gonna change;

If your attitude changes, your habit is gonna change;

If your habit changes, your personality is gonna change;

If your personality changes, your life is gonna change,

your character decided you future the fate.

I got to fight for every dream---
Go where-ever I want to go,
Do whatever I like to do,
because we only have one life.

Friday, September 28, 2007

An Unforgetable Moving Experience

No one doubts that parents are considered the most selfless one in the world. They help you , train you, support you and bring you up without any reason. They do as hard as they can to enhance your life. I deeply understood this when I found out that I made a mistake shouldn’t of made.

In my memory 2005 winter was one of the coldest winter I ever had. On that day, the wind was blowing hard, the trees swaying like they were dancing. Outside the house snowstorm was so harsh and cold, I almost had a feeling that my face was going to be tear apart if I standing outside. It rained so hard that you hear those splattering against the glass. You would of thought that the weather outside was brutally cold but the inside feeling of my family was even colder than the temperature. Because my daddy got badly sick in this winter, he couldn’t walk, couldn’t go out, and sometimes couldn’t think. We didn’t know the exactly the state of his illness, but the only think we could do was that keep giving him traditional Chinese medicine to make inside of his body warm. During this time my family was living in the most fear day on lives because my dad is the only person who is bring the financial support to our whole family, and if the worst the happen, I believed that my family would fall apart.

On this day, I was working in the restaurant; my mom was cooking the Chinese traditional medicine for my daddy at home. She called me and asked me to bring ginger home when we got off the job. I didn’t take serious about her request, and I didn’t believe my dad’s traditional medicine wouldn’t work without ginger. Therefore I forgot about it. When I got home, I knew I made a big mistake because of my careless. My sister blamed me that I am the one only care about myself. However, my mom didn’t say anything, she ran out t our store, (all my family members couldn’t drive at that time, and it takes about 20 minutes from my house to my store) all of the sudden, I really regretted it. I knew how badly outside the weather was, I could imagine how difficult to walk in a snowstorm, and I could also imagine how did my mom look like to walk in a snowstorm. It must be exhausting, chilly, and fear. I realized that I was a selfish, childish and careless person from this moving experience.

This was an unforgettable event in my life which was emotionally moving. It mentions me that I must treat them with care, trust, and patient. I can not look their love for granted they would always be so. The only way to pay back for their love is to love them.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A Scare Day

At about 3pm, I was still working in the school library. I heard lots of people said that there were 2 guys in our school with rifel. The whole university got shock by this. The fact was that there was a guy with rifel in a bag and wear a mask was apprenhended on our school. University pubic safety officers quickly disarmed the suspect and have turned him over to the NYPD. No injuries have occurred as a result of this incident. But there was still one of his partner couldnt find. One of my friends told me that this guy was right behind her and pushed her when the public safety officer was trying to catch him. She got so scared and almost crying. At this time, the NYPD and conducting an extensive and thorough search of all building and facilities. All students have been locked in the building until further notice. During this time, lots of my friends and family members got even more scared than me. They called me again and again to see what was going on, especially my mom. She almost cried and she asked me to stay in my friends's dorm tonight, she wouldnt let me take a bus to flushing. Many of my friends heard the news and called me to make sure i am safe. I think this was a emotion moving experience in my life. From this episode, I knew there are lots of people in my life care about me so much. I am not worried about anything now.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

New Challenges in my life


My body got overdrawn when school started.

This year, I told my parents that I wanna to be independence. They dont need to pay my heavy tuition and daily supplies. Also I will handle all my problems by myself. This is one of the reason why I go to college, and also it's one of the lesson in the college. They finally compromised and then I moved out.

First of all, I felt like I was granted my freedom. I hang out with my friends everyday, buy whatever I want, and sleep whenever I want. My life seems brilliant. However, time reveals the problems. The challenges I have never worried about come to my life. I dont know how to arrange my time, I dont know how to make a shortcut to take a bus to go to school, I dont know how to control spending my money, and sometimes I dont know how to get alone with my roommate. Sometimes I eat once a day, sometime 4 times a day, and sometime none at all. AS winter is coming up, I dont even bring my warm clothes. That's how my body got overdrawn.

I dont tell anything to my parents, even when i had bad stomachache at night. Starting confused. I dont know it's whether good or bad, right or wrong. Do I really learn anything from these challenges? It's the transition to get independence, or the way of my life getting down?

It's time to rearrange my life. I dont want my parents got disoppinted at me as they trust me so much. I dont want my GPA gets lower as they did so much to me. And I dont want to lose my distination as I spent lots of hard time on my study before.