End of relationship

Tomorrow is my 25th birthday. I can’t believe that I am going to move out tonight. I had a fight with him yesterday night. I thought it was just a little matter; however, it came out to be really serious.

My heart is broken. I can’t believe that this man let me stay at the street alone at the middle of the night.

I don’t know what my feeling is now. It is too complicated to tell. I want to cry, really loud. I feel like there is a stone inside my body. I want to get rid of it.

Why do I fall in love with this guy? At many points, I have proven that he doesn’t care about me. Maybe he had never loved me.

I think I am too naïve. 25 years old, I am still too naïve.

When he went back to Hong Kong, I was so sad. I missed him like crazy.That moment I felt like he is my world, my everything. I though he would have same feeling like I have. So I wrote a letter to him:
“Dear Honey
I can not live without you.
When I close my eyes, I can not stop missing you.
What happen to me?
I always thought that I am the one who can handle love easily
The reality just shows me how important you are in my life.
When we are apart
I do not have my heart
I hate night time,
I hate turning the light off when I go to sleep
I hate waking up in the middle of light
I hate everything that makes me feel lonely and empty
You are the only person makes me happiness…Make me laugh from my heart and make me cry from my heart.
I am empty without you to hold
Through these words my love is showed
This is like how many times already
This is how many times you complain I were just being careless about what you doing
This is how many times I have to explain you that you were being careless as well
This is how many times I promise to myself this fighting is the last fighting
This is how many times I got disappointed to myself that I broke my promise again
Honey
Please forgive me
Forgive my careless, my hysterical, my naïve, and much more…
At this moment, I hope you are by my side
Hug me, hold me and kiss me…”

But his reaction is like “ok? I don't really miss you, I would stay at Hong Kong forever if I could stay.”　But I still believed that it was a joke.

The reality just shows me how naïve I am. But I refuse to face the truth because truth is too cruel: For almost three years in a same room, same bed, he still doesn’t know what I like and what I don’t like. I got really sick few days ago, he still blamed to me that I didn’t clean the room after party was over.

He never surprises me. When he bought a flower for me, I thought he got it from someone else or from the garbage. When he bought me a necklace, I was happy only for two minutes because I found out that he asked his friend to buy it for me for cheaper price. Is it my fault or his fault?

He thinks that I think I am always right, but I think that he thinks he is always right. We never compromise. Is it my fault or his fault?

I think it is nobody’s fault. We are just don’t fit each other.

This is last time I complain about him. I can not stand for this anymore. I am too tired. I think he is tired too. Why bother?

How to move on?

What is new in these days?
Nothing actually except lying on my bed watching some stupid movies.

We finally decided to go to “All White Yacht” club this Friday
But I am not that excited-I don’t know why.

I need to find a white dress to go to the party
But I couldn’t find any.
The good thing is that CC and Sophie said they are going to give me one.

No more motive and passion
What happen to my life?

I used to be a most active girl in my circle
But I couldn’t find her anymore

Please come back
My old life, my passion and my happiness.

I think it is because too much stress recently...

My younger sister just got a baby girl last Thurday
I am so happy about it
but my mom worry about me at the same time because I still dont get married
Come on, I am not ready.

My daddy pass the citizenship exam at the same day
My whole family was so exited about it
I am proud of my dad because his English is very limited
But look at me..
I still haven't pass the road test yet

I think it is time to move on.
But how?

Work,School,Family,Friendship and Relationship

At Thursday (6/24), I went to Miranda’s house to have sleep-over because I couldn’t stand for the heat in my room. But we went to CC’s house instead after we got to Miranda’s house. At Friday (6/25),I received a call from Abacus bank. The HR dept. asked me to work from that coming Monday. I was really surprise but worried and nervous as well. I couldn’t explain why, it made me down for a while.

At the afternoon, my boyfriend and I went to his aunt’s house because we decided to go to Atlantic City Casino. I don’t like gambling but I still went. When we got there, we were really surprise because we got a president suite to stay with and ate whatever we wanted to. Everything was luxury which I only seen them on TV.

The next day (Saturday), we went to beach and had some rides. The weather was too hot but we were all very relaxed. At the night time, we picked up wine and liquid and had a big dinner. The most wonderful thing was that we don’t need to pay any coz somebody got very good credit at casino.

Sunday, I went back to Long Island, when I almost got to my house, I became too moved coz I felt like I haven’t seen my family for a loooooooong time. I almost cried when I thought about the moment I see my mom. The feeling just like the moment I saw my mom when I first came to the America. I went home first; I talked with my sisters (Qing and Amy) and played with my little brother. I felt satisfied at that moment coz everything seems like pretty stable. Amy is still a talkative girl except she grows a lot, and my little brother was still boiled. I went to our store after that. I thought my parents were going to be excited however they were too busy. I didn’t even have chance to talk with them. I Worked for an hour then went back to Flushing.

Monday, June 28, 2010, it was the first day of working. I went to Canal Branch to have a basic training and did the finger print. Then I went to Nassau Branch to really start working. My department supervisor is really nice. I can tell that he is very patient. He explained to me every single thing very careful. I was too nervous, but he made me relax. My department is called OAD. I still wasn’t sure what that dept. supposes to do when my supervisor trained me at the first day. Right now (two weeks), I am pretty sure what is going on. I love that job I don’t know why. I think it is maybe I still feel challenge and my co-workers are very helpful.

Today I went to school to confirm about my financial aid status coz I checked online yesterday, it shows that my tuition for my last semester is about 6 grams. Jesus, that scared me because I have no way to pay them all. Throughout the checking, I know that it is going to be lot more cheaper to be a part time student. Therefore I dropped one course which I don’t need. Even though I waited for the line for like an hour, but I was happy that I found out my tuition is going to be cheaper and I noticed that I registered a wrong course. Thanks God it is still not too late.

Today I made a little mistake at work. Hope it is not going to affect my credit.

Besides school, work and family, my friendship is fine as well. I hung out with TSO last Saturday at Mad at Chicken. That is a Korean restaurant at Northern Blvd, the food and the atmosphere is pretty good and the price is not bad. I met lots friend over thare at that day. ( 见鬼了)

Only thing I think I am not satisfied is the relationship with my boyfriend. I don’t know why we must argue at least once a week. Every time I fight with him, I want to break up with him (no, actually I don’t want to, I think I just want him to pay more attention on me and respect and love me more). Yesterday, he talked with me very patiently when I looked down. He tried to make me happy. I think we are fine but need more time to accept each other’s weakness.

Interview

I had a phone interview with Abacus Federal Saving Bank about two weeks ago. When the HRD employer asked me about my status in the America, I told them that I only have green card and I would like to work full time. She told me that she would call me back to schedule an interview for me. I thought I am not qualified because I only have green card. But she called me back yesterday and wanted me to have interview this morning.

I went to the bank this morning pretty early. First of all, a lady asked me to fill out a form as the most company does, and then she asked me to type a letter and do the Excel as soon as possible. When I opened the Excel software, I got a shock because it is 2003 version. I only know the 2007 version. I told them about it, then a lady gave me a hind to find those icons, I have done it pretty well.

I waited for the lady to interview me like an hour. She asked me lot questions about my job and my life. She looks really nice and very professional. I hope one day I can be a lady like her. She also asked me about this bank. I think I did really terrible because I didn’t prepare for it. I didn’t know anything about this bank except I know this bank provides banking service to immigrant and local resident mostly.

Actually I did research about this bank yesterday. But I couldn’t remember the creator’s name and when it was found. Only thing I remember was that a lady committed a fraud many years ago which had ruin the bank’s reputation. Lot of clients waited for a long line to take back their saving. However, the creator was really smart and handled this problem pretty well. I wanted to talk about more about this bank to the lady who interviews me. However, I was too shy to talk more. And I was not sure if I said too much to the position.

Anyway, the interview was over. They are going to contact me in a week if they are going to hire me. I pray to God. Please let me in. when I read the article about Abacus’s creator, I was moved because his goal is to provide service to our community and immigrant. It will be so cool if I can do this kind of job. I will be proud of myself by helping our “family” to get their loan and helping them to have better life.

I had learn a lot about interview skill. The very important one is that I have to be prepared before interviewing.

My Weird Feeling

what I have done in these days?

Friday was CC's birthday, we went to a Thai restaurant called BKNY at flushing, Bayside. I will rate this restaurant for 5 stars because the atmosphere, service and dishes are awesome and the price was not too bad. (average 20 bucks/person). My boyfriend works for an Asian restaurant, he refused to come with us originally because he was kind of tired of Thai food. But when he tasted it, he couldn't believe that it was really delicious. Especially "Green Curry with seafood" and "seafood pad Thai".

After Dinner, we was trying to go to a bar so that we can drink. However we were all too full to absorb. therefore we decided to go to my apt. to have a house party. my room was pretty small. We felt that it was too boring to drink only, so that CC said she wanted to put make up on my boyfriend. LOL. It was really funny. I was cracking out by his make up. I think CC is considered a professional make up girl. She really makes my boyfriend like a girl with her fake long curly hair.

We took lot of funny pictures on him, and he was pretty enjoy with his new make up. "Narcissist"

I had a interview with NY Life Insurance Company today. I have learn a lot, but I am not sure if it is the one that I am looking for. I need to earn some income for this Summer and for next semester. I am not sure if I can be focus. The Abacus Bank HR dpt. had phone interviewed me this morning as well. I thought I found a job eventually, however, he only needs part time employee. Sigh! I really hope they told me why I couldn't get hired because I can learn from fault that made. But they alway want me to wait. How long should I wait for?

I am going to have a training next week hopefully. I need to pass a state exam to be a Insurance agent. Gosh, please give me more passion to do it. I think I need to learn more about this field first in order to know if I can do it.

Be Wise

Life is boring

Done nothing except working and eating

Neither cold nor hot today

An admirer with offer of hospitality

He wants to go out with me

I think I told him I have a boyfriend

I feel like betrayal of my boyfriend if I date with him

Thinking about how to excuse myself from him

But I cannot think of any

It is one of my shortcomings

It is time to learn

…

Discussing financial event with a friend

He always oppose me

He thinks China is going to surpass the America

I think he is deceived by media

There is always reason behind it

But he couldn’t see it

He prefers to believe what he has expected

It is going to be very dangerous

Just too optimistic

…

Overall, there are no other options for post-crisis era in China

China is still growing rapidly

And America is still finding a way to stop his growing

New energy is his another way

Our era is gonna have another big change

Wind energy, Electric energy and Nuclear energy

…

“Wise man have their mouths in their hearts, fools have their hearts in their mouths”

Is There a Global Warming or not?

I attended a QQ group party the day before yesterday. The weather was great. I wear a mini skirt and a tank. I think I am hot enough.HAHA!The creator asked me to plan a fun party for him, but he told me at the day of the party. I didn’t have time to get it done. Therefore, I just told him a few games that everyone can easy participate. However, the people who came to join the party were all too shy and didn’t wanna participate except date with the girls and sing. Overall the party was pretty fun.

My boyfriend and me and a girl went to SOHO in the next day. In the morning, I felt a little cooler than last day, at the night time, it was so cold. Therefore, we went to shop for spring clothes. My boyfriend bought lots of clothes, and tried them on one by one when he got home. Also he rearranged the closet and his personal staffs. He was so funny last night, because when he tried a cloth on, he pretended he was like a superstar, and using extravagant act to express it. I don’t know how to explain his action. It was so funny and cute.

Today is raining, the weather sharp down inexpectly. I bethink of a show called “财经郎眼“， it is a great Chinese economic show about current events. I remember they talked about “Alarming Fraud of changing in weather”. Basically it discusses about there is no global warming. The event proceeded from the University of East Anglia’s computer server is invaded by hacker, the conversation of meteorologists’ email are exposed. People thunderstruck realized that the global warming is just an elaborate swindle. I dubitative when I heard of it because global warming seems like a cogent fact in our life. Many scientists have been proved that there is a global warming by lots of evident, such as those close to extinction of polar bear. However through my keenly aware of NY weather, I start to believe what the show discusses about. Maybe there is no global warming. I don’t know if it is a good thing because we know we will use lot more energy for cold weather than hot weather.

It is June right now, hope the cold weather only last for few days. This will make sense for us.

Super Hot Room

OMG! My apt. is super hot. No a/c, only a mini fan. I don’t know how do I survive in this terrible condition? My little sister kept writing on my facebook wall to ask me to go home because school is over. But I didn’t reply, I wanna try something different for this summer. I am still waiting for FirstTrade Company to have an interview with me. I watched lots shows or news about stock, economic, and finance, I just realized that I am really interesting at finance field. I don’t know why, I just like it. I was wondering if I chose a wrong major. Accounting is no longer my only target field. If I can get in, it is another turning point of my life.

This weekend is pretty bored. I didn’t do anything except lying on my bed watching “three kingdoms”. It is a four of the most famous novels in China. Now it dramatized. It is a great movie because I learned a lot from it. Not only the history of age of three kingdoms, but also the way of bears oneself.

My boyfriend got a ticket from BBQ party at Corona Park; it costs him 115 bucks, because he parked at a traffic lane. But no other cars in the same lane had the ticket. Therefore we went to traffic office to have “appeal not guilty”. But we went to a wrong place. We had a big fight again after we went back to Flushing because he asked me to print the pictures out as soon as possible, but I was deceived by the store owner. It costs me lot more money and took lot longer time to print the pictures out. He blamed me that I was an idiot. Sad!

Gosh, it is extremely hot now. I have to buy an A/C as soon as possible. I don’t want my boyfriend sees a “cooked pig” lies on the bed when he comes home.

Should I need to compromise?

I got terrible sunburn after BBQ. However, I didn’t feel sorrow or sad, because this was first time of my life getting a tan. I think it is so cool to look healthier. Plus, I just realized that I won’t have allergy to the Sun if I don’t put any sun block lotion on me.

The next day of the BBQ was my middle school girlfriend’s wedding party. I placed myself in ridiculer position when I got there: There were two wedding parties in a same restaurant, I went to a wrong one, and I even said Hi and wave to the bride. When I got closer I realized that she is not my friend. It was so embarrassing. So I left. Thanks God that there was no one knows me.

The party was pretty good. It was usual as always. No new ideas, no new conception. Fuzhouese’s wedding party is always like that, I didn’t expect there is any new scenes happened. I met many of my old friends, middle school’s and even elementary school’s classmates. I couldn’t imagine that we can still hang out and had fun at the other shore by the Atlantic Ocean. I didn’t go to KTV with them after party because I didn’t feel like to go.

When I got home, I called my “best” friend, because I wanted to carry back lots staffs that I left in her house. When my boyfriend and I got there, I felt so uncomfortable; I couldn’t explain what the feeling look like. It just made me unnatural and untruthful. I think our relationship stops after BBQ party. I knew her personality, she will never say sorry even feel sorry to me. Anyway, my life still needs go on.

Yesterday, my TSO friends had a BBQ party again, they called me many times to join them, but my arms still hurt by the sunburn. And I have already eaten before they called me. I refused to go because I don’t want to waste my money. That is it. But I really like to hang out with them because it makes me very comfortable and happy. The sad thing was that they called me at the night, but I missed their calls.

My conclusion is that it is really hard to keep a good relationship. I am really confused what a friendship really is. Good friendship makes my life swinging. Should I need to compromise?

Is it a Lost or a New Way?

My mom keeps calling me these days because she wants me to find an accounting related job during this summer. Her coercion makes me stressed out. Therefore I wrote my resume and send it out to many companies. However, it is been 3 days already, there is no response at all. I can’t work at the library anymore because it is just wasting my time. What should I do? I remember one of my professors told us that it is a great time in our life as a student, because once we get out of school, we will realize how cruel the world is. It is a dog-eat-dog competition world. I begin to believe what he said since lots things happened on these days, I just realized that I am too innocence. I am on the position of being confused and disoriented. Why can’t the world be simple, why can’t people treat each other with trust and honor? At lease I always did.

I lost a lot these days. First of all, I lost one of my best friends. I am not sure if she changed and I changed. Our relationship is no longer like before since she and a girl friend decided to have a BBQ Party at Memorial Day which is Monday. We were so excited and amusived about it. I asked my boyfriend to have day off on Monday to join us. He implored his boss and finally his boss approved it. He also invited three of his co-workers to join as well. They were even more excited than us. However, my friend said she would like to change our BBQ date to Sunday because her boyfriend was off on Sunday only; he really liked to join us. I didn’t know what to say at that moment because I knew my boy friends and his co-workers couldn’t change the date, and I knew my friend really wanted her boyfriend to join us. Therefore, I discussed with my boyfriend about it and tried to convince him to change the date even though I knew it was impossible. But he was really mad at me and started to fight with me. He said I care more about my friends than him and I never care about his feeling. I agreed with him but I still fight with him somehow. Finally I compromised, then I texted my friend told her that we really couldn’t change the date for her boyfriend. She understood and she said she was fine with it.

At Sunday, we supposed to prepare everything for tomorrow’s BBQ party. However, my best friend didn’t care about it; she didn’t even think about to help me. She just did whatever she wanted to do. I told myself: it is ok, I can make it. She is probably not in the good mood. I knew she pretended she was like usually. But her poker face unveiled everything. At the end, I didn’t buy any food because I have no room to refrigerate them. I thought my friend was going to help me today and restore food in her house, but I didn’t see any signs that she would like to do it. Ok, fine, maybe we can buy food tomorrow, it is gonna be more fresh. I told my boyfriend about today’s situation and why I didn’t buy any food. But he seemed didn’t understand me, we had fight again. He said he would not ask me to do anything anymore and he said I am useless. What should I say? Probably I am useless and I am very weak of solving problems.

Finally BBQ party started at Monday. I assigned my boyfriend and his co-workers to buy food at the early morning, then Ricky and me went to Corona Park to look for a good place to have BBQ. We were pretty rushed. When we found the good location, I assigned Ricky to pick up my friends and my job was to call my friends to come over. However, everyone was coming and helping me except my best friend. She was still lied on her bed and told me that she didn’t want to come over . I was so mad at that moment, but I still kept calling her. I thought she lost her mind at that moment. Actually I didn’t know what she thought about. She started this BBQ party. But now she didn’t want to join because her boyfriend couldn’t come? I was really busy at that time, I didn’t have time to care about if she is coming or not. During the middle of the party, she called me and she said she is coming, I was really happy because I think she still know how to care about her friend. We had fund and thing went pretty well and smooth. But at about 5 o’clock, one of my friends Sophie had to go home to have diner with her family, so she asked Ricky to drive her back. My best friend said she has to leave as well because she had to do lot things at home. She needs to wash clothes and other things. I knew it was an excuse. At that moment, I couldn’t speak of any words from my month because I was super-duper mad at her. She will not my best friend anymore, she is no longer consider my partner for my business because I really don’t understand her. I don’t know why she becomes so selfish. What is wrong with her? If she has any problems, why can’t she say it out to us? The funniest thing was that she came back when we were cleaning. She said she didn’t mean to leave; she just wanted to go to bathroom. It was contradictory just like our relationship.

I think I ever said that if two people are of the same mind, their sharpness can cut through metal. From this episode, I knew we are not of the same mind anymore. Maybe we are never of the same mind. I was just too innocence. I think I am not only lost a best friend, I also lost my patient.

how to socialize?

How to socialize is always very important in our life. I never notice that I am really bad at it until I saw my ex co-work at the bus station today. When I saw him, I just pretended I didn’t see him, and then he came to say hi to me, I hi back. After that, he told me about his supervisor’s retirement party today at the library. I kept saying “ok, really? oh, cool, this and that..” then finally he said “sorry, I have to make a phone call, it is very important call.” I could tell from his eyes that he was trying to stop conversation with me. Actually I was very happy at that moment when he said he has to make a call because I don’t know what to talk about anyway. But I also realized that this episode demonstrates that it is very difficult for me to go out and make friend with American people.

There was another episode which shows that I don’t know how to socialize with American people especially those people is lot older than me. After final, my accounting classmates decided to have fun with our taxation professor, he is very outgoing and humor. Then we went to a bar. This was first time of my life to go to bar with my professor. It seems very odd for me because I always keep those Chinese traditions---teacher is always superior. When my professor came to me, he asked me what kind of drink I would like; I told him that I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t go to bar. I don’t know why I said that. haha And then I didn’t know what common topic we have, I was blank at that moment. Then he went to my other classmates. I saw them were very happy and have lot things to talk about. They were talking about wine and girls and life. Why can’t I do that? i think it is because I don’t know how to find a common point which give us a chance to open up ourselves. If I succeed in finding similar interests, it would be easier for me to proceed further with him. And plus, I don’t know how to build a rapport with him as well. I should not make him feel superior, but I failed.

I think I have to build up my communication skill with people who are not in my circle. No one will success without good communication skill. Nothing in the world is difficult if you set your mind to it. Life is all about how to be wiser by falling.

Summer Plans

Hey, everyone. Long time no blog.

Summer is coming finally. Right now is 90 degree outside, and it is first time of this year I feel summer is coming. For some reasons, I hate winter, and I hate cold weather, but I think God also make a joke of me, because I have allergy to the sun which means I cant go to beach, and I cant insolate under the sun as well. It is called PLME, nick name “Vampire Disease”. I don’t think there is any treatment for it, because it gets recovered whenever it wanna get. What can I do with it?

There is one thing that I am very happy with for this summer unless, which is everyone says that I got slim down. Xixixi…I can have my very sexy dress on… oh yeah!

I have lots plans before summer break: get my driver license, get a job with higher wage, or maybe start my own business, and study Cantonese and English and more… but none of these seem done for now. I haven’t even get started. I always tell myself, don’t be lazy anymore, and always try something new. But I cant resist temptation. I have to change. There are too many pressure deep inside my mind which I cant escape anyway. All things are difficult before they are easy. So I think the first thing to do is to start write blog at lease once a day so that I can improve my English more. And the next thing it that to confirm my goal(since the bad economic is still going on, it is very hard to find a job which I will satisfied, so I decide to operate a own business). “Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.” (Alexander Dumas, Davy de La Pailleterie, French Writer) 　
Then I will go look at those properties which my friend introduces me. I know it is very hard because I have no experience. Therefore I decide to make a partner with one of my best friend. If two people are of the same mind, their sharpness can cut through metal.We don’t wanna waste our time anymore. We have to get it done during this Summer. No matter it works well or not, at lease we gain more experiences. “man proposes, God disposes.”

Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back.

Buddhist Church

Today I just asked my friend a very “philosophical” question about the distinctions between Christian and Buddhism. Then she asked me if I ever heard of there is a such site called “Buddhist Church”. That was very surprised me actually because I don’t think Buddhism and Christianity can be harmony in American society especially in New York. This kind of church leads me a lot of thoughts floating in my head.

Backing to my childhood memories, there was always a big conflict between Christianity and Buddhism. The most impressive thing was that people who believe in God didn’t like those people who believe in Buddha. All of the old generation people taught me Christian is like a monster who would bring my life down. I trust them with my soul even though they didn’t tell me why. When I got older, I started changing my mind somehow because I was curious. Because of my curiosity I went to church with my schoolmates for the Christmas party without my parents’ permission one day. That day was definitely impressing me: I saw Santa Clause giving his present to everyone (we all love receiving gift), I saw many people dancing on the stage, and also lots little kids were singing on the side of the stage. They all seemed so happy and satisfy including me. I was thinking at that time: “how could these people be evil?” However, I didn’t get any chances to know more about Christian in China until I met two devotional Christian old couple who help my family a lot in American. (long story, I don't want to talk about it here.)

Through these two couples’ recommendation, I attended St. Johns University, obviously, it is a catholic school. There is a very interesting sight fell into my eyes---there is a huge beautiful church sitting by the dorms, and when you walked few more minutes, you can also see a classical Chinese temple which was for Asian study offices and now is a Asian library with all Chinese famous masterpieces and Buddhist scriptures. Now I am more like to talk about the likeness between Roman Catholic and Buddhism, I have my humble opinion.

I read a book called “the Essential Moral Handbook: a guild to catholic living”, which is my theology course requirement. There is a paragraph talks about that the moral theology is about finding the way home to our true selves as believers in the God revealed to us in Jesus Christ. “Being home” is marked by right relationship with God, with others, with ourselves, and with Creation. When I read these sentences, I found these are parallel to Buddhist goal “明心见性“which means “find one’s true self.” The main purpose of Buddhism is that they try to tell people that everything in our life is not real or another words “our universe is empty”, people are fool to pursue everything which is not real. There is a famous poem was written by “六祖慧能大师”says that “There is no Buddhist tree at all, And there is bright mirror nor. Now there is nothing at all, How could be dust any more? (菩提本无树，明镜亦非台，本来无一物，何处惹尘埃). This poem is trying to teach us a word called “emptiness”. No desire no suffer is all Buddhism trying to teach us. As a normal human being, I don’t think anyone can do it, otherwise, they would be the same as Buddha because everyone has desire. But for Christian, it is all about receiving and giving love which is everyone’s life about. That’s why Christianity doesn’t agree with Buddhism.

There is another idea which I think is pretty the same---Christian’s original sin(原罪) and Buddhist scoundrelism（劣根性）. When Adam and Eva chose to eat the fruit that God told them not to eat, they had original sin even though they had no concept of good and evil. The original sin is disobedience. This has negative effected our human nature. This original sin is not committed by us, rather it is passed on to us. It is a state which we inherit rather than an act that we do. And for Buddhism’s Scoundrelism, is not like from dictionary: the practice or conduct of a scoundrel, baseness; rascality. When Chinese talks about this word, it is more like human being which originally adopt some bad habit or unhealthy desire such as selfish and lying. Therefore, these two ideas are parallel.

I knew many of people who believe in Buddhism are suspicions about Christian. They always say to me that those Christian are so superficial, the Holy Bible which they treat as a treasure is like a children’s fairy-tale especially Genesis. But I will say that people who think Bible is like a fairy-tale are superficial. I don’t think people can be educated if they just read words by words. They have to think about the meaning behind the words. (even in Buddhism, there are lots of mythes, but many people believe them, that's why lot of Chinese are superstitious). Therefore, no matter it is fairy-tales or myth, it has to come from something which could effect people. A famous Chinese professor named Yu Dan ever said that:” knowledge is very important, but experience is more important than knowledge. However, one’s savvy is lot more important than experience.”

No matter Christian or Buddhism, they are all trying to make people's life better. Therefore, my summation is that no matter what religion you believe right now, just don’t refuse to accept the “gift” that “GOD” or “Buddha” give to us as human being. It is good to hear that there is such community as Buddhist Church. I will definitely go visit it someday.

Changer De Vie

If your mindset changes, your attitude is gonna change;

If your attitude changes, your habit is gonna change;

If your habit changes, your personality is gonna change;

If your personality changes, your life is gonna change,

your character decided you future the fate.

I got to fight for every dream---
Go where-ever I want to go,
Do whatever I like to do,
because we only have one life.